It doesn’t have to be…

I have not been a religious person (and I am also not a spiritual person)

I am not sure if I believe in God.

I am not sure if I see miracles happen every day.

I am a believer in the outdoors, being honest, being kind to people, loving with my whole heart, forgiveness, art, beauty, elegance, and living with both eyes open and head clear.

But the last few months I have been going to sit in a church pew and listening with my heart open….

and one of the major lines that strikes me every time is:

“For the things done and the things left undone..”

It seems obvious, the first part.

But the second part…

seems like a thought I don’t ask myself very often.

“What have I left undone today that resulted in hindering myself or another person?”

I have decided to think more often about not leaving things “un-done”…. or to try harder at least.

But it is a hard thing to do.

I’m not saying “FINISH EVERYTHING!”

instead I’m saying i’m going to try to be more careful in my actions, to be sure, to be mindful.

I have been walking in the sunshine the last few days, trying to take in more, trying to be more mindful, trying to let some stresses go and sort out the good feelings.

I can’t help but be positive but that doesn’t mean the stress doesn’t nuzzle it’s way in some times.

I find myself looking to my photos to express wisdom.

I told the musician once that I see all my photos in my dreams before I take them….

I still think that is true.

I know the photos like they know me. We tell each other things and try to be brave enough to put our names on each other.

symbiotic relationship.

Artist and her expression.

Girl and her camera.

Person and their passion.

Love and it’s outlet.

I have a teacher who tells us…

find the thing you cannot live without.

THAT is passion and that is what makes us live.

and THAT is what the world needs more of.

Amen.

so while I am not religious

I am a passion-est.

I believe in passion.

I sat in the sun the other day and over heard this conversation:

Homeless man to a man in a wheel chair who is obviously NOT homeless: “Yo mister! Let me tell you a story! I feel like I need to tell you a story!”

The man in the wheel chair looks a little shocked but stops to listen…partially because the homeless man has practically climbed into his lap.

Homeless man: “Yo!! I’m serious!! I gotta tell you!”

Man in wheel chair: “Okay, what?”

HM: “It’s like this, I was in love with her, I loved her. With my whole heart. and then she got sick. SO SO SO sick. Sick like cancer sick. And I told her Baby!! We are going.to.beat.this! and I told her how….”

MIWC: “Oh yeah?”

HM: “Yeah!! I told her! Drink lots of tea before bed and only eat broccoli!! That’s how we are going to beat this!! and she left me but what i’m telling you right now man is that to live you GOTTA HAVE PASSION!!!! YEAH HARD SHIT HAPPENS SOMETIMES BUT IF YOU HAVE PASSION THAT IS HOW YOU LIVE!!!”

MIWC: “but….I don’t really want to”

HM: “But brotha! You GOTTA! YOU GOTTA FIND a reason!!!”

MIWC: “Okay”

HM: “Okay, it was nice to meet you. Remember – Tea and Broccoli”

and they parted ways and went along with their days.

and I was left in a daze.

Passion in the chance life changing moments.

wow.

So like the title of this blog:

“It doesn’t have to be big enough for someone else, it just has to be big enough for you.”

xo

m

But this time with soul…

Hello

I am writing in at 12:50am….

I can’t sleep. I can’t dream. I can’t even close my eyes.

I keep feeling like things are being left undone, threads are hanging in the wind, hopes are being left outside, worries are under the covers with me…..

So I am up. Trying to tie lose ends. Being awake seems to soothe the worry of things undone long enough to sit down and begin to sew up ends.

Do you ever feel like that? Like you don’t have time to sleep…because you are busy thinking?

It’s a tad bit annoying after midnight.

The days around here have been akin to whirlwinds for me and slow thought provoking ones for the musician.

I feel like the most time I ever spend with something is my bike…who creeks, rattles and sputters in response to my out loud thoughts, wonders, frustrations, and banter.

I miss the musician one my whirlwind course….I see now why some couples end up flying away to a beach to be able to “catch up” with one another.

So here I am, this morning, writing with soul.

Hoping for your ears. Hoping for some closing thoughts so my mind can sleep.

I am in a photo class in school.

It runs on the basis of critique and assignment.

He gives us an assignment….we bring in our attempts…and then we all politely critique.

It has been an interesting experience.

We are all different ages, all different reasons for being in this class, different sexes, different walks of life.

and difference, like similarity, is shown most truly in art.

This class will make me a better photographer….maybe not with the photos I am taking….but the souls that are infusing into my memory, into my photos, into my art, into my mind….every experience is making me more honest.

Do you have a place that makes you more honest?

I feel spring sweeping in to the PNW…I know it is only February…but I feel the winds of rebirth, understanding, growth, change….all coming!

Hang on!

Snuggle every moment of rest you get, for the moments of action are just as important.

Be Honest. Thank you for listening to my midnight banter.

xo

M

These boots were….

….ON MY FRONT STEP!

I came home from class….

Looked around…

“oh what is this! A wee little package?!”

“For me?! From Ohio?! what?”

I used the slash and kill strategy on the box…..

*swing, slash, clang, bang!”

WHAT?!

“MY DREAM BOOTS!?!?!?!?!!? OH.MY.GAWDDD!”

M,B,A&A…..

You have just made my entire year (and it is the 3rd of February…bravo to a swift win).

Thank you so much!!!!!

Golly….I am snuggling them!

Here is to having kick ass boots!!

xo

m

Day of faces

The day of faces.

Some known, some just met, and some only for a second.

Thank you Portland for being so brilliant with your faces.

xo

m

Grey skies and dark brown eyes.

No words.

Just frames.

Keepin my life light right now.

The world can be heavy…

Time to fly.

m

The friday

Our ceiling grew a water balloon.

Which has made us thankful for each other.

Made us happy to even have a home to worry about in the first place.

Has given us perspective on material things.

Has shown us other uses for our living room floor (Dance floor? Art studio?…)

It has been an exhausting week, but when it ends with a dance on the new dance floor.

All is good.

All is calm.

All is home.

10,000lbs of glitter

What to write.

I have been neglecting the bloggity and all of you loyal people….

and I am horrendously sorry about that.

sigh.

It’s not as if I haven’t had anything to write about…

I have blog ideas rush through my head at least 4 times a day.

I just simply don’t have enough hours, days, moments, minutes in my life to do the tasks I want to do when I want to do them!

I need a 10 day week!

So…now…to s.l.o.w. down a little bit and take a breath.

WHEW.

When I sit down to write a blog I try to think about what is a streamlined subject that tells the story of the times between the blogs I write, to be honest, to show my emotions, to send out a message but to also recount some of what is happening in my own life…

and this last week I think the thing that has been a constant piece of my life has been

Self-worth.

Such a huge prize, a such a hard thing to treasure and use properly once attained.

Self worth is not something that is taught in a classroom,

books don’t quite get you to the finish line of the self worth realization race,

Love doesn’t always help the growth of self worth,

Age doesn’t always mean wisdom,

self worth is not something given,

self worth is something that is inside your soul and only you can find it.

People can help you get their, experiences push you in the direction of understanding, and life sometimes pulls it out of you.

but

All those things can also squish self worth.

You are the only you.

You live this life.

You are the piece of art you want to be.

You create the world you want to live in and be present in.

You are the only you.

Self worth is not thinking you burp sunshine and poop butterflies.

Self worth is not thinking you can fix everyone’s problems.

Self worth is not thinking you can be the best thing to ever happen to someone.

Self worth is not being someone else’s higher power.

Self worth is understanding the voices in your soul

Self worth is knowing when you are making choices for YOU and for the right reasons

Self worth is knowing when you have had enough

Self worth is walking away

Self worth is changing direction

Self worth is being bold and gentle

Self worth is carrying your heart on your sleeve because YOU put it there

Self worth is knowing how to share a piece of you heart and trusting someone will share a piece of theirs

Self worth is walking 6 inches off the ground peacfully

Purest form of self worth I have witnessed this week?

35 5yr olds

who have a terminal illness.

It was my job to wash their hands, get them glitter, refill glue bottles, paint, and draw with them.

All that existed was art and happiness.

No expectations.

No rules.

No squishing.

All that existed was living and being everything in your heart and soul.

Pure you-ness.

Self worth.

You are all worth 10,000lbs of glitter.

so don’t settle for 9,999lbs.

xo

m

 

My heart = Sent

To childhood

This post is dedicated

To every person who ever caught or catches themselves at the beach staring at the sand in hopes that the treasure of a shell will be found….

To standing in the surf and feeling shells and sand ripple past your toes…

To feeling a shell under your foot and KNOWING it’s a special one so you clamp down your toes but the surf pulls it out from under your grip….

To shells being brought home in pockets, baggies, bottles, backpack pockets…

To knowing that you hear the ocean…

To never throwing shells away because…*GASP* HOW COULD YOU EVER?!

To running your fingers over the ridges and feeling every curve….

To knowing this is a 1 of 1 sent straight from the bottom grottos of the deep blue sea….

To deep sea originals.

Waitttt!!!

I forgot to show you some thing….!

 

The world above the clouds.